mystery solved

You know when you have a nagging mystery on your hands and you can’t think about anything else? Not smalltime stuff… I’m talking life’s big questions: “Who was responsible for the illegal-to-burn day… Read More →

these first few days after the holidays…

Yesterday, I would have told you I never wanted to see another glass of wine, another piece of fudge, or one more knitting project that had to be tied with a bow on deadline. Then came today: it’s white and foggy and quiet, I woke up hungry, and I’m ready to make things.

Merry Christmas!!

Straight from the Six Orange Carrots holiday bunker, we bring you the very best of holiday wishes, news of a heroic amount of eggnog consumption, and the proud debut of my incessant mocking of the Great Hermes and Esteban Reprieve of 2009.

in which I am too aggressive during the holidays

To the owner of the problematically male chicken in Santa Rosa, I saw your add on craigslist, and sympathize with your predicament. Your rooster sounds cute and safety-minded, and I am acquainted with… Read More →

five steps

I am five steps… 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.… closer to pie than I was yesterday. Spindly, grumpy raspberry babies not leaving you in raptures? Expecting something leafier from my mild California December?… Read More →

the art of the hitch-y tchotchke

I’m very partial to a good trailer. Specifically to toy ones, as they do not cost thousands of dollars and will not spend 355 days a year in my driveway next to the compost pile. Toys, sadly, cannot provide the shelter I require at lakeside campsites, but that’s a classic flaw in most things smaller than my toaster.

just saying

someone found my blog today because they googled “ray gun & cheese” awesome those are pretty much my interests

About a suit

This suit makes me want to write a screenplay. It would star the suit, buttoned around Julia Roberts or whomever. The suit would spend the morning in the office and maybe go to lunch with Eva Green (wearing, by the way, the nice sensible cardigan that I’ve been prescribing for her for years.)

Pocket and my visa card

Visa card, I sort of resent you.

You refuse to acknowledge the fact that I’m no longer a freshman in college. In all the years we’ve been together, you’ve never offered me lower interest rates and you won’t raise my spending limit. I can get along without it, but your validation of my financial independence and my continued employment in these troubled times would, you know, be nice.

an important question for you

Yes, your local big box grocery is haunted by spectral peaches all year around, but the real peaches will roll in during the summer. They will always be as delicious as you imagined. They will be beautiful and relentless and sometime in August, an afternoon will arrive where we’ll find ourselves with the heavy responsibility of a tree or basket full of twenty, thirty or a hundred perfectly ripe peaches and no end in sight.